A LITTLE UNGRATEFUL

Father, this waiting game
is about to drive me insane
or so it feels
but i guess it's not your will
if i don't have yet
yeah if i can't touch it
or love it
and i'm tell thinking of it
everyday
in every way
yes i'm feeling....
a little ungrateful today
well at least in this moment
because i want it
so badly
and sadly
i have blamed you
when stuff haven't came through
on my time frame
mmm maybe i have gone insane
but  i'm just being hones
but whatever your will is...
i'll still service you

A SPIRITUAL THING

God thought of me
Before my parents did
so i'm all of their kid
no matter what
they all have the right to get in my butt
in a number of ways
O how i miss the good ol' days
when clothes were not an option
and sin wasn't in
and pure was sure
and no insecurity
in the world
yeah, just a naked boy
and a naked girl
talking and walking
with God, The Father
The Starter
of everything....
with or without wings
but full of spiritual things

Ferris-Wheel

empty
is how i feel right now
yes, i need someone ...
to show me how...
to feel myself up with love
when no one else is around
yes, i am feeling drown
on the inside
yes please help me get off this ride
of loneliness..
because i know i'm bless...
despite how i feel...
i just don't like...
 this Ferris-wheel
'cause it's not fair
me in chair
not able to go hardly anywhere...
on my own
yes, i have to pick up the phone...
for help
and yeah sometimes i wept..
out of frustration
but i do want to apart of nation
even though it's seem not to want me
i want to be in a community....
WEEEEEEE 

time-consuming

i'm not burden
i'm a blessing
i'm not a test
i'm a lesson
to the world
that's right
i'm more
than just
a disable girl
that 's right
i'm a pearl
according  to God
yes, i'm beautiful
like Cape Cod
and sweet l
like a pea pod
so i'm stayin' here
despite the jeers
in my ears
or the stare
from my chair
and i'm not sayin'
that i don't care
but not to the point where
i will wheel myself out of here
before my time 

FRIENDSHIP S.O.S.

man, i could really use a friend right now
and not just instant message facebook pal
yes a real one that comes over
and let me cry on their shoulder
or takes me out
and let me twist and shout
 with them for a few hours
until i get my power back
yes will somebody please...
could pick up the slack...
of my emotions...
because they're flowing out of me
like the seven seas...
of the world ...
and on the inside
i'm just a lonely girl
tryna fit in
tryna make friends
and keep them close  to me
like family

KINGDOM COME

i'm sad
'cause it seems like the only real friend i had
died  
and  my pride
won't let me cry...
to much
but i hurt so much
but just i feel numb
and my heart is...
is beating like a drum
while waiting for kingdom  to come
scoop me up into the clouds
where silence...
sounds loud...
in a crowd...
full of angel
in a field of grace
yes, a real heavenly place
to die for
but before i do
i want more
here
but without the tears...
of loss
but God is the boss
and i am the employee
but i need him to help me...
work this out
 before i lose  my mind
or waste my time...
on the assembly-line
of life
but death sure cuts ...
like a knife...
to the flesh
so i need to rest
so i can heal
right
before
God comes
like a thief
in the night
yes Lord
i'm ready to take flight

 

GOD'S PLAN

man, i have been single for a long time
but i still have my mind
and i still enjoy seeing the sunshine ...
for others
yes, i enjoy seeing lovers
side to side
hand to hand
yes love is apart of God;s plan
now for me, i don't know
But if send me, i will go
and show the best part of me
internally speaking
as my love deepens
for him
whoever he might be
but i have to wait and see
if i ever become a we
along with a family tree
in our backyard
yes, this is...
the desire...
of my heart  

MY PASSIONATE PRAYER.

God take me out of this body
Or send me somebody
That will accept this
And wanna kiss, hug, and love
And hold on tight to me like a glove
Yeah a partner for life
Who believes in Chist
Yeah that would be nice
More like paradise
To me
Yeah just sayin' that...
Makes me feel free
Which is so funny
Because i'm talkin' about being with somebody
And for a lifetime at that
But i can'r take it back
Because that's how i feel for real
And i'm pretty sure i will until i see...
Me walkin
Or a man talkin'...
Marriage to me
Daddy,
In Jesus Name
Amen

POKER FACE

i'm horny as an instrument
sweet as a sentiment
crazy as a clown
and profound as a post
but don' really show it to everyone
at the same time
not even close friends of mine
 but i guess that's fine
to have a poker face
without a deck of cards
but this is my hart
i must protect
and defend
when
the time
comes
even if
its before the sun-
raise
i must keep my eyes
on the prize
or the title
until God's arrival
for survival
of the spirits  

impure me

impure thoughts
are still caught in head
but there's no one in my bed
so i can't do anything with them
but they refuse to leave
and so i grieve
a little bit each day
praying that they will go away
since i have no one
to love me
to hold me
to console
in that special way
and then we would lay
because he would stay
in our house
because he would be my spouse
but that's just a fantasy
from an impure me 

FEELIN' REALLY COMPLEX

it's hard for me to breathe
my heart probably look like Swiss cheese
but God help me please 
to carry on
and remain strong
if i have to be here for long
because this feels wromg
on so many levels
so there must be a shovel  comin'
because it feels like i'm runnin'
out of  steam
sometimes
and that i'm losin' my mind, Lord
that you gave me
so I need You to save me
yes, help to stop missin' my Grand-daddy
and friend
so much
since i can touch them for awhile
help me to continue to smile
while i'm here
and through my tears
and despite my fears ...
of what's gonna happen next...
 in this life
before i see paradise
in the next
man,i'm  feelin' really complex

GROWING UP

flesh and bone
spirit and soul
are some of the things
that make me
whole
that make me
warm and cold
emotionally
yes wavy
like the sea
but that's me
a human being
with meaning
with hart
with or without
working body parts
yes, i'm real
because i can feel
compassion
and i can rationalize my thoughts
and admit my faults...
if asked ...
and i can almost totally...
accept my past

so i am...
growing up
 

NIGHTCRAWLER

God i only want your thoughts in my heard
when i lay in my bed 
But i'm not gonna lie....
i would love guy
at night
to hold me tight
but it wouldn't be right
because i'm single
but i have a tingle
that love to mess with my head
when i'm laying in my bed...
of loneliness 
hoping to be bless...
with someone 
but that someone never comes
or hasn't came
to change my last name
or mess up my frame
with a baby
but God, you know all this
You all that...
that's in my heart
and in my head
so just remove everything
that is crawling in my bed 

E-MOTION-AL

moving on
after a love one is gone
seem wrong at first
like it's something
that need to be rehearse
over and over again
until it doesn't feel like pretend
or like you're committing a sin
against a friend...
that's no longer here 
but you can still  hear them in your ear
say "it's okay to have a good day"
"filled with laughter and smiles"
"because we will only be apart  for a little while"
"so child, go on and live while you breathe"
"don't just grieve, but believe"
"that one day, it will feel like Heaven on Earth"
"until you burst  into Heaven for real" 
  
 

NO MORE CHILD'S PLAY

sin
is not
the friend
it pretends
to be
trust me
just try to
and see where it takes you
and breaks you in two
you might be happy for movement
because did something you wanted
but you end up feeling blue
not knowing what to do
or where to go
because you know that God knows
and still shows you love...
that is unheard of on Earth...
and so you feel worse
because still quince your thirst...
knowing that fact
and you can't take it back
you can only turn away
and say "no more child's play 

WHY MAKE ME CRY?

God why did You take Sheri so soon?
Up there like an air balloon
When her and I were so in tune
And she really did love me
And saw things that others didn't see
But I am glad that You allowed our friendship to be
I'm just sad, Dad
That we have more time together
on Earth
And I do wish You would've taking me first
Because my heart is about to burst
But I trust Your Plan
Even though I don't understand
"This"
And by the way, will You please give Sheri a kiss?
And tell her how much she is missed
While she living in bliss
Some of us are pissed
But glad she is walking and talking again 

BELOW ME

jealousy
envy
are not very friendly
but i play around with both of those clowns
and they just pulled me drown
below the ground
it's seems...
where no one could hear
 my screams...
of hurt...
 below the dirt
of me...
sometimes...
acting like a jerk
because someone else...
got a perk...
that i want in my life
yes, a slice of my paradise
my hopes and dreams
behind my screams
and my actions 

RAW EMOTION

flesh
shut up
because i'm tying to live a spiritual life
but you constant child's play
is affecting me everyday
in someway
but i can't seem to stay away
it's like a need you to breathe
even though constantly grieve...
over you
and the things you get me to do
and think
and then i sink
into this hole
because i lost control
and forget about  my soul 
 so i don;t feel whole
or real
and i can't seem to find a pill
to make my mind stop...
acting out..
of character
of my core
but i do have...
this tug-of-war
going on inside of me
but i so wanna be fee...
of this agony

DON'T DIS ME

my spirit is not disable
my body is
but i can still bring a lot good things...
to the table
yes i'm still able..
to match wits with you
and surpass you too
if need be
but this world refuse to see
what's in me
because i use a chair
but i swear i can  there
and go deep
because i was born to reach
and to teach
that there's more to this
than a disability
trust me
better yet come and see
just how free i am
in my body
and i don't mean ...
to hurt anymore
i just need for somebody
to get me a chance
despite my circumstance
and peoples' first glance ...
at me
because i am not...
my disability