GOD
why am i
always a guy's
second choice
and why does my voice
always seem to come off
aa noise
I' mean,
seriously
I don't scream
and i'm human too
and I have dreams
but rarely do I see
the cream
to my ice
yeah. i'm nice
but people hardly
think twice
about me
and they love to doubt me
but won't love me
romanticly
because of disability
and honestly
that really hurts
yeah, Lord,
I feel like dirt
but why
does my
heart
still will
to flirt
MAN,
bein' human
has really ruined
me
yeah, 'cause I still wanna be
romanticly involved
yeah, despite the possible
pitfuls
yeah. i still want it all
the kisses
the hugs
the backrubs
and the outside
candlelight dinners
yeah I want a winner
who want me too
but for me
to wanna be
a boo
is nothing new
but truth be told
my soul
doesn't wanna grow old
and cold
alone
man
y'all don't understand
I so desire to sin
with a friend
over and over again
but Christ is my kin
so I guess
it is best
that I just write
my stress confession
down
yeah until my flesh rest
underground
yeah the frustrating of a clown
or a human
who wants to be doing
something wrong
that would feel so right
but tonight
once again
I will be
still
sleeping
alone
shut up heart
we're not supposed to be a part
of romantic love
because that kind
is really blind
and you could lose your mind
like last time
yeah even though, that person was really fine
and you loved that person's touch
so much
but now child
wow, you don't trust
a single soul
since that last situation
went bust
so...
let's just grow old
and cold
and noble
yeah, like we sitting
in the oval office
MAN,
you would think
that God's plan
would be
easy breezy
for me
but as y'all can see
it's not
yeah, because I got
cerebral palsy
and I really don't know why
so I secretly cry
on the inside
yeah, because my pride
loves to ride
shotgun
yeah to me not being able to
walk or run
and that's not fun
but it gets the job done
yeah, I'm the biggest confession
yeah, y'all should really learn a lesson
from me
on how to be
a key witness
so i woke this morning
and still can't walk
by myself
but I still have breath
so I guess there's still an open door
in this tug of war
called earthly life
and heavenly paradise
yeah, sadly as I'm bein' nice
\i''m also bein; sliced
left and tight
but can't take a flight
with my feet
yeah to getaway
from this heat
would be such a treat
yeah, 'cause my insides
have been beat
like in the streets
yeah, and so I weep
deep in my soul
but I still...
have no real...
control
over my
physical mold
i'm feelin' funny
but i don't why
do my insides need to cry?
i can't lie
I do wanna a friend
to come in
my house
and help me
to jus' let it out
like a waterspout
yeah, no doubt
I jus'' need to cry
in someone's arms
yeah I wanna feel loved
and warm
yeah, no more storm
no more harm
well, at least until
I am still
and at peace
with whatever I release
BOY
it is rainy
on the pane
of my heart
Lord, please
wipe it off
and be really soft
because I am at a loss
for words
with this bird poop
so scoop Savior scoop
yeah, get to the root
of my bitter fruit
yes, Father, please
turn Your daughter's
sour hour
into power
DAMMIT
my core
doesn't wanna hurt
anymore
yeah, it's so tired of bein' sore
MAN,
when did I go to war?
OR
did I get in a street fight?
last night
or
yesterday
yeah, 'cause I'm feelin' some type of way
today
yeah. which is empty
and gray CC
MAN,
I'm so more
than my disability
but sadly,
that is all most see
and ooowee.
that really burns me
up
like a bush
yeah I need a push
just to go on
with my life
yeah, so help me, Christ
to keep rolling
these dicy
situations
in this normal nation
of movers and shakers
yeah, Lord,
I wanna walk acres
around these clowns
that put me down
HEY WORLD
for real
I'm not supposed to feel
disable
or like I need
a special table
yeah, I'm supposed to feel
real
normal
not ruined
or damaged
by my creator
yeah, so, please
stop being a hater
to my heart
because it's tearing me apart
and I can't start
over
yeah, no I can't rebirth myself
or hold breath
or cause my death
so the only thing that's left
is
for y'all not to call
me
negative names
because of my frame
MAN
being on Earth
feels like Hell
yeah, I don't like the heat
I don't like the smell
BUT OH WELL
I'm still here
So Heavenly Father,
please speak clear
so I can leave
and not grieve
ANYMORE
yeah. I have wounds
like I have been a war
yeah my soul is so sore
and my heart is so burned
So Jesus, have I learned?
so I can turn...
this page
or exit ...
this stage...
of rage...
against
offense
and
disability
hey future hubby
I put you
away
in a cubbyhole
today
yeah, because my soul
is growing old
and gray
and I don't think you would stay
with me
being this way
of being disable
yeah sadly,
my physicality
is not
a fable
yeah, it is very real
right now
but someway
somehow
i will walk
like a hawk
flies
but still,
you might not look
in my eyes
so before you apologize
let's just go ahead
and say our goodbyes
September 11
i remember well
yeah that's the day I saw Hell
on my tv screen
and I screamed
that must be a dream
happening in from of my opened eyes
but why?
as I cry
and thousands die
but why?
again I ask
did so many have to pass
in the grass
or on the street
yeah, as I weep
from watching
but the horror is not stopping
man and the clocks are still clocking
twenty years later
man,
i'm growing
but boy,
does it hurt
God, you must really be at work
yeah, because i feel like dirt
and seed
yeah, Father,
Your daughter
needs some water
to grow
yeah, however painful
it is for me
I yearn to be
a flower
a rose
that grows and grows
more beautiful every year
yeah, i want to make it very clear
that I'm here
come rain
or come shime
Sadness
i hate you
and all the things you do
to me
internally
yeah be gone
forever
yeah never come back
or snack on my soul
yeah I have control
of this mold
called my heart
and you are not to be a part of it
so quit
that sh*t
and leave me
to breathe in peace
the word of my testimony is...
i will stop being phony
yeah, I will say when I hurt
or feel like dirt
before I go berserk
or take my breath
out of this war
called THE WORLD
yeah your girl
is human
and sometimes
doesn't know what God is doing
but I want to
yeah, just to get through
the glue of growth
yeah, I wanna know THE MOST
yeah, so that I can toast...
the passing of...
THE UPGRADE
that God made
in the shade
of my life
yeah. i was born...
not to perform
but to give honor to...
Christ
the real word of my testimony
good morning God
i let down my guard
yeah, I will let you in my heart
yeah, all four parts
yeah, move in it
as you see fit
yeah I'm with you through
yeah, even though i don't have a clue
of your clear view
i will remain still
in your waters
yeah, as your daughter
yeah, so good or bad
happy or sad
i just want you to know
that i respect your intellect
and your blood flow
MAN,
I feel low as Hell
but no one can tell
because i wear a smile well
and i laugh really hard
yeah, even off guard
but i'm really scared
and scarred
on the inside
but my pride
loves to hide
like a kid
that did
something wrong
but something small
yeah, like writing on the wall
but i'm calling myself
yeah, i have doubt
i must shout
and i hurt
because
being in a wheelchair
takes work
yeah oftentimes
my
feelings
get stuck
in the dirt
of the depression
but what is the lesson?
i'm human
i'm guessin'?
Heaven,
where are you on Earth
I thirst for milk
yeah. Earth doesn't feel like silk
or satin
yeah, this world
has been really combating
on your girl
and I can't see
no fruitful tree
in front me
to save my life
yeah, Father please point me to paradise
yeah, where the people are...
super nice
all the time
yeah, sunshine sunshine
MAN,
i don't really like,,,
the night
and the night
doesn't really like...
me
yeah, obviously
because of things I see
yeah, my mental tv
is scary
yeah, I don't wanna go to sleep
very deep
yeah, because in the morning
I weep
in some way
doin' the day
yeah, I'm not okay
I must say
yeah, I'm frighten
and my senses,,,
are heighten
and it's so hard
to let my guard
down
and jus' lay around
Lord,
i'm searching for a solution
yeah, before I end up
in a mental institution
yeah, because cerebral palsy
feels like a big sea of
pollution
so You know
I don't wanna go
swimmin' anymo'
yeah because the sharks
are after my heart
and my soul
and man, this water
is so cold
yeah, I'm frozen into a mold
that I don't like
day and night
but why?
i don't know
as hard as I've tried
to follow Your guide
I'm still stuck
in this flesh
that is not the best
and I can't rest
until
I figure out
Your Will
for my wheelchair
HEY,
i'm bleeding
internally
yeah, y'all can't see
how much pain
I'm in
yeah, because sometimes
it feels like a sin
to share
what I care about
and dealing with
BUT SH*T
I'm bleeding
and needing
help
day
and
night
MAN
I just don't understand
yeah, that doesn't seem right
at age 42
to feel so blue
and useless
God
it is so hard to be me
as you can clearly see
I mostly watch t.v.
because there's nothing else to do
yeah, because of cerebral palsy
boohoo, boohoo
yeah, it's true
Lord, I need you
somehow
right now
yeah, my inner-child
is screaming Daddy
yeah, I'm goin' batty
because I don't understand
Your Plan
for me
yeah, Father, why does it have to be?
so hard
for me
to just
live
I mean, I give and give
but obviously
it's not enough
yeah, because
my load
on this road
is still real
tough
but why?
as I cry
and can't sleep at night
but please point me to the light of right
yeah, because I do not like what I see
right now
in Jesus Name
