GOD
i wish that you would allow
someone to hold me child
or to make love to me
like a woman
Yes Lord, let them do something
to make me feel good
yeah, as one should
I think
and shrink
into my soul
yeah, because I don't feel whole
and my world is spinning out of control
so Father, please help your girl out
get rid of this lonely doubt
yeah, please don't let me shout
or cry
alone again
yeah please God,
allow me to have,,,,
a forever friend
MAN,
my breath
doesn't breathe by itself
no, it is controlled
by an invisible soul
higher than me
yeah, even though I cannot see
I know
that it be there
everywhere
in the air
and on Earth
yeah, it is birth
first and foremost
so I must toast
to growth
of my life
yeah, even though
I have not seen
The Queen
or Paradise
yet
MAN,
one day
my life won't be so grey
yeah, I must say
I will be better than just okay
yeah, walking around
feet to ground
yeah, pound for pound
around the town
where?
who cares
I will be walking
freely
yeah, on my own
with nothing wrong
yeah, tall and strong
like a clone
of Christ
walking on pavement paradise
yeah, man, that's gonna be so nice
one day
GOD
please kill my lust
and restore my trust
in us
again
YES, please remind me that you are my friend
and that you will stick closer to me than family
in this calamity
called Cerebral Palsy
and all its pitfalls
yeah, please give me steel balls
and an iron heart
so I continue to be
on a menu
called Mankind
yeah, where no one is safe
unless they have grace
which taste so good
however, misunderstood
yeah, in this neighborhood
called Human Nature
yeah where people love to hate ya
for being handicapped
but I didn't ask for this crap
but Father, please close the gap
and make me smile again
IN JESUS NAME
AMEN
man,
obviously
it's okay be
unhappy
yeah, since that's the feeling
that I deal with the most
but I mean to screen
or boast
yeah, because I like my heart
being apart
of a roast
yeah, I much rather
people gather
to give me a toast
for still being here
yeah in spite of my tears
and fears
for years
and years
yeah, I love to be thought of
as someone strong
and not something
that went wrong
along
time
ago
yeah oh how
that hurts me so
to know
that the older I grow
the less I feel
real
or human
BOY,
my muscles are really jumping
so maybe God is doing something
with my body
MAN, I hope so
because y'all know
that I'm ready to dance and party
walk snd tun
and have some fun
yeah, I swear,
I'm so done with this wheelchair
yeah because life is just not fair
when your feet can't touch the ground
and move around
on their own
yeah, something is wrong
with that fact
so get ready
to get back
and watch God work
in me
MAN,
being happy
is a very dangerous
action
oh sure, it brings
much satisfaction
until something
sad happens
in my case
yeah and then
that feeling
that I once had
just goes to waste
and now faced
with a bad taste
in my mouth
yeah from north
to south
and i feel like a louse
in my inner house
and that doesn't
feel good
at all
yeah to rise
and fall
is not a ball
game
no, it's a damn
shame
BOY,
i weep
because i can't sleep
deep
in my sheets
yeah, what goin' on
in my life
keeps up
yeah so please help me, Christ
make sense
of the events
sent to me
but honestly
I jus' wanna be free
to walk around
on earthly ground
yeah, by myself
before my death
well. at least for a year
without any tears
yeah, and then
God can just take me out of here
yeah, this much is very clear
me and cerebral palsy
don't belong together
anymore
yeah because
I love love
and he loves war
YES,
I'm depressed
i must confess
AND BOY
is my aching
to break out of my skin
but not because of sin
but because of being hurt by a friend
when I tried
to be by their side
yeah, I swallow my pride
and was so down to ride
like Clyde
but now
WOW
I jus' wanna hide
where no one can find me
or blindside me
yeah, because...
ooowee ...
this hurts
I cried when I was born
yeah, even before I knew
there was a torn
in my side
yeah, before I know
God's worldview
i felt blue
yeah, i felt pain
but with no shame
in my game
yeah, because I didn't know
that as I grow
there would be mo'
water for this daughter
yeah, good or bad
happy or sad
I will cry
until I die
yeah, no lie
or need to reply
to my reason to cry
man,
yall just don't understand
how sometimes
I just wanna get drunk
yeah, because I'm not as strong
as a tree trunk
and I feel so alone
because I'm human
God, so what are doin' wit' my life
didn't you already make and take?
the ultimate sacrifice
so why does my heart
have to be apart
of another painful start
yeah, my guard is already
down
and I feel like such a clown
but I'm not laughing
why?
and in fact
I wanna cry
because bad things
keep on happening
around me
yeah, so much so
that I can't see
where I'm really
supposed to be
MAN
my i was cursed
with a verse
called cerebral palsy
but no one's really ballsy enough
to read my stuff
now, ain't that a shame
I'm in pain
and no one seems to care
yeah, even when they are fully aware
they just stare
and won't help
and so i wept
in silence
because i don't like violence
or begging
but man, my leggings
need love too
yeah, just like you
my veins are blue
and my blood is red
so get me out of this bed
or out of my own head
God,
why must I wrestle to walk?
yeah Lord,
why must I wrestle to talk?
on Earth
now Father wasn't Jesus first?
and last
yeah, didn't he wipe away our painful past?
with a bloody shower
that lasted for hours and hours
yeah, with so much power
yeah, a big steam of dreams
came out
after demons were creamed
so I scream
Christ
why must I?
continue to try
so hard
to just start
my day
of work
or play
yeah, why must I lay?
or stay
in bed
until someone else's will
gets me up
yeah, this I askof how this universe
really works
maybe you don't care
that I have nightmares
but I do
yeah, and I'm trying to find
the real reason for the horror
in my mind
man, I wish my brain was blind
sometimes
yeah, because my frame
is about to go insane
yeah, my heart is in...
so much pain
but I keep on calling...
on Jesus Name
yeah no game
I need a savior
and a favor
at the same time
yeah Kingdom please be kind
while the sun doesn't shine
man,
i wish i could just walk away
today
and tomorrow
yeah, because I'm so tired of ...
all of this sorrow
so girl, may I borrow your legs?
yeah, because mine...
move like pegs
or worse...
like the dead
yeah, I can't even get myself out of bed
and the fact that...
I still
have breath
left
and a will
to move
on my own
but I can't
and that feels...
so wrong
and alone
yeah, because I'm still
expected to be...
loving and strong
yeah, Christ's clone
but I am fully human
and what cerebral palsy is doing
is ruining my life
slice by slice
MAN
I need to walk on my own
yeah, my legs need to be strong
like an oak tree
yeah, no one helping me
turn the key
into the sea
well, actually
nobody
except for God
yeah, as I wept
on water
as a daughter
of the most high
yeah, because I'm walking
without a try
before I die
my oh my
how I wanna fly
to Galilee to see
if ooowee
my legs
would suddenly shift
into the greatest gift
MAN,
the shadow of death
is trying to steal
whatever breath
I have left
yeah, for real
he is trying to make a meal
out of me
yeah, he's trying to grill
my feelings into a plate
so great
that even demons
would swear that
my frame came
from Gid's lake
yeah, nice and fresh
without the mess
yeah, let's not be rude
and bless this food
man,
my insides need to be healed
for real
yeah so my spirit can remain
still in my frame
yeah no pain
or shame
should be
residing in me
so yeah go
with my breath
yeah before my death
set yourself free
and do not bother me
anymore
yeah, I here and now
close the door
of being sore
and insecure
man
i wish i didn't need so much
human touch
yeah boy, I need so much help
Jesus wept
and I do too
yeah my skies are blue
but not the good kind
yeah, I need a drink of wine
to make feel fine
and real normal
yeah because my caramel skin
can't take my heartbreaking inside
yeah my pride
has been pushed to the side
as I glide
to MY GUIDE
for more answer
like black panter
OKAY
my soul
is whole
BUT
my body is incomplete
yeah, neither my hands nor feet
can reach
the concrete
outside
and it's not because of pride
that i do not ride
yeah, no it's because I so...
have cerebral palsy
in my system
AND THAT SUCKS
because I also wisdom
and THE WORD
but I still can't move
like a human bird
SMH
my body needs a miracle
oh so bad
yeah, because my heart is...
so tired of being...
oh so sad
yeah. so please, Heavenly Dad
make me walk
and talk right
yeah, so I can sleep
through the night
air
with no care
in the world
yeah Father, please help your girl
not to be
just a casualty of...
cerebral palsy
Amen
BOY,
my soul
wants to lose control
because I don't feel whole
and my eyes
wanna cry
yeah, because of secrets and lies
but no one wants to apologize
WOW, BIG SURPRISE
as I search for brighter skies
BUT MAN
I still hurt
yeah, being human takes a lot of work
and being handicapped
is some heartbreak crap
BUT OH SNAP
I'm still here
yeah, with tears
fears
and then some
and I can't run
into the sun
Body,
feel better
yeah, you should not weather
this storm
yeah, you should not feel pain
or harm
anymore
yeah only love
not war
so yeah, Girl jus' open door
and let healing ib
like an old lost friend
yeah, who jus' blew in
with the wind
but feels more like kin
yeah, no hurt
no cry
or feelin' like wanna...
die
inside
MAN
being handicap
makes me feel like crap
yeah, I so wanna collapse
in someone's arms
yeah, I wanna feel like a cham
yeah, hold me
so I won't see...
any harm
again
my friend
whoever you
yeah, I wanna feel like a real...
shooting star
yeah, rare
and no comparison
to another
yeah, hold me like a lover
but not undercover
yeah, just hold me like a brother
or a sister
DAMMIT
I have wounds
and they're not intuned
with my soul
yeah, so needless to say
I don't feel whole, today
yeah. I feel really out of control
in this mold called life
but Christ sacrificed
so much
for this human touch
that feels like a crutch
yeah, Earth has really burst
my bubble
bur it has also,,,
taught me ...
how to hustle
in the struggle
called Cerebral Palsy
yeah, I'm ballsy
and bruised
used by THE MOST HIGH
yeah, until I die
really disable
i guess?
MAN,
my trust is shot
yeah, i'm not gotta let anyone in
my heart again
yeah, because so-called friends
love to blow in and out
like the wind
and boy, how that hurts
and does not work
for me anymore
yeah, my heart is so sore
man. when did I go to war?
or open up the door
to these scars
or these prison bars
that I see
man, I jus' wanna be
happy
and satisfied
but I'm so done
swallowing my pride
yeah, Lord please get my off this ride
God
please show me your heart
yes please, let me be a part of your plan
because I don't understand
what is really going on?
or what I'm doing wrong
yeah, Lord. I'm trying to stay strong
when all along, I feel like I'm dying
with you not replying
to my request
yeah, because I wanna be blessed
but all I see is...
test after test
in front of me
yeah, so, please Father,
let me see
the Masterkey
of Earth
my birth
and whatever comes next
and first
yeah, this is my...
poetic outburst
or poetic outcry
yeah, I cannot tell a lie
I'm so confused
but I still wanna be used
by you
the Most High
